I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
