i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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