ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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