sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
