you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
