Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
