idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
