I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
