Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
