i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
