I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
