at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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