y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
