Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
