i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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