3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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