If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
