Everything about him screamed your future.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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