Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
