I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
