I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
