I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
