Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
