Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
