One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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