we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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