So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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