i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize