Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
