We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
