As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
