I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
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I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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