apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
