i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
