I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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