apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
