My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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