Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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