i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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