Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sarcasm needs its own font
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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