Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
