I am puke
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize