there's paper in my vomit.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
