Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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