You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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