go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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