i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have aggressive nipples.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
