I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
