a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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