It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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