My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
