so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
