would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
