I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
