porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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