Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
