Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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