Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
