Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
