if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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