Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
