I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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