Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
4 words: hood of his car
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
