even my farts smell like vagina
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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